Monday Mindfulness Minute: I made me feel this way

"If you think you are enlightened, go spend a week with your family." - Ram Dass

It's probably a relief to think we are getting a reprieve from working out over the holiday season, especially with the physical gyms usually being closed for Thanksgiving and Christmas. To be so lucky...

As it turns out, sitting around the dinner table with "extended" family can feel like doing high-intensity interval training (HITT) after eating too much stuffing and too many slices of pie. Combine the normal drama and catching up with the recent election results and we have the perfect recipe for what could be an intense psychological workout.

Instead of getting nervous about the upcoming mental fitness test proctored by our family, we can use the holidays as a barometer to see where we still have hangups. This should be an exciting time because we can see if our growth over the past year can stand up in battle.

The test this holiday season, and every day, comes down to whether we can practice radical acceptance where we refuse to allow our mind to convince us we feel a certain way because of what someone else says, does, or implies. This isn't to say that we practice denial this season and stuff all of our feelings down, but we refuse to live as a victim who pins the responsibility for how we feel on others.

Instead of acting like a victim where others are the sole determinant of how we feel, we can practice reframing situations like this:

They said "x" and that made me angry. >>> I am making myself angry over what they said. [we need to literally think this in our head over and over when we feel/see the emotion come up]

They acted that way and now I'm pissed off. >>> I am making myself pissed off because of what they did.

Additional questions we can ask ourselves:

• Why did what they say make me angry/pissed?

• Why am I taking it so seriously and personally?

• They said/did that yesterday and I still feel angry/pissed today. Why could that be?

• What could my reaction to what they said/did teach me about myself?

As we watch more and more, it will become clear that the world is our mirror and that the folks we get upset with for "making us" angry/upset/sad/disappointed are showing us exactly where the anger/upset/sadness/disappointment is still alive in us. Let us be thankful for the family members who push our buttons this holiday season because they are showing us our soft spots that can be transformed by loving awareness.

Listen to what you criticize most severely And you will hear what you most fear you are. -There's a Hole in My Sidewalk