Monday Mindfulness Minute: Motivation Is Too Flimsy To Hold Us Up

B = MAP

BJ Fogg introduces this equation in his book Tiny Habits to explain how our motivation, ability, and prompt interact to determine our behavior. The key with this formula is that the variables are in decreasing order of importance. It may be most convenient to think that our level of motivation determines our behavior, but it turns out that the prompt, action, is the most important.

This idea directly links to Mark Manson's thought in "The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F***" where he describes our current thinking as:

Inspiration -> Motivation -> Action

When it's actually:

Action -> Inspiration -> Motivation

This should be great news! It means that we're no longer at the mercy of our motivation and inspiration, which seems to come and go in unpredictable and untimely spurts. It could also be scary news because it could mark the end of the main excuse we have for changing our behavior: "I just don't feel like it."

Our mind’s main task is to avoid change at all costs, and "I just don't feel like it" is one of the mind's many strategies to avoid change. It convinces us that we should wait until we are ready (motivated) to take action, but we know this never really works. What works is just taking action. Does this mean that we achieve our intended outcome in one attempt, or reach the destination on the first try? Absolutely not. But it does mean that we are a heck of a lot closer to our desired behavior than if we were to wait until we actually felt like changing.

Once we take that first step, the next most important step is to strategically place prompts (reminders) in our environment so this new behavior stays top of mind. Again, the mind will do everything in its power, because we've given it the impossible task of helping us never feel discomfort, to make sure we never try this new behavior again. This is where consistent reminders that lead to consistent behavior will help us cement this new behavior in place.

 We know that motivation is too flimsy, so we can't continue to rely on it!

Monday Mindfulness minute: "Plant trees under whose shade you do not expect to sit."

Last week marked the end of an incredible journey that began in 2020. The journey actually began in 2014 when a younger Austin was excited about becoming a member of the Marching Tar Heels during his first year in college. I can't begin to describe the life-changing experiences that marching band provided me, and it felt like a piece of me was missing after I graduated.  

This piece of me returned in 2020 when my friend Adam and I had the idea to officially organize our fellow marching band alumni into a 501(c)7. The UNC Bands Alumni Association was incorporated shortly thereafter and has been in place since to support our current band students while connecting alumni.

Here are the top 5 lessons I've learned along the way: 

• "Plant trees under whose shade you don't plan to sit." 

  • It's easy to stand in the blazing sun and sweat if you can see that others are able to find rest in the shade. The $80,000 in fundraising that we've raised since our inception is that shade for our current students. 

• Succession planning starts on Day 1 

  • The first follower is the most important. It's easy for the founder/idea initiator to be excited, but we must focus on identifying and cultivating the other champions who are going to carry the baton when we’re gone. I didn't do a great job of this, but luckily, the right people found us and the organization is in great hands! 

• A personal ask is always more impactful than a mass email  

  • If you work with a volunteer organization, you know how hard it can be to get folks involved and keep them involved. A personal ask that rests on the relational foundation you've built with them is infinitely more impactful than an email call to action. 

• "If you want to go fast go alone, if you want to go far go together." 

  • I quickly learned that starting something is vastly different than growing it. If our goal is to see the pursuit grow beyond initiation, we must be willing to give up the reins and release our expectations.  

• Doing what you love isn't hard  

  • I think we all come to earth with different talents, and part of our journey is uncovering what those are. Once we do, that work isn't really work.  

Monday Mindfulness Minute: Which Wolf Are you Feeding?

“I recall hearing the following conversation after the events of 9/11 in New York City. A grandfather was talking to his grandson, telling him, “I have two wolves barking inside of me. The first wolf is filled with anger, hatred, bitterness, and mostly revenge. The second wolf inside of me is filled with love, kindness, compassion, and mostly forgiveness.” “Which wolf do you think will win?” the young boy inquired. The grandfather responded, “Whichever one I feed.” (Power of Intention p. 137)

Deciding which wolf to feed is analogous to deciding how to look at different situations. We feed the wolves with our attention and energy. Are we going to feed the small perspective that is based on instant judgment, or are we willing to pause and consider other, kinder possibilities?

It turns out that the more we're able to delay our instant judgment and instead consider other "whys" for someone's action, the more considerate of others, and ourselves, we become. Consider the following consider-it scale:

With each “why,” we zoom out just a bit more as kindness and understanding (which ironically turns out to be the undoing of our previous "understanding" - read assumption) are born in that widening of the frame.  

We spend so much time looking for wisdom, yet it might be closer than we think. Just remember, the more whys you ask, the wiser you become.

Feed the considerate wolf this week!