Monday Mindfulness minute: "Plant trees under whose shade you do not expect to sit."

Last week marked the end of an incredible journey that began in 2020. The journey actually began in 2014 when a younger Austin was excited about becoming a member of the Marching Tar Heels during his first year in college. I can't begin to describe the life-changing experiences that marching band provided me, and it felt like a piece of me was missing after I graduated.  

This piece of me returned in 2020 when my friend Adam and I had the idea to officially organize our fellow marching band alumni into a 501(c)7. The UNC Bands Alumni Association was incorporated shortly thereafter and has been in place since to support our current band students while connecting alumni.

Here are the top 5 lessons I've learned along the way: 

• "Plant trees under whose shade you don't plan to sit." 

  • It's easy to stand in the blazing sun and sweat if you can see that others are able to find rest in the shade. The $80,000 in fundraising that we've raised since our inception is that shade for our current students. 

• Succession planning starts on Day 1 

  • The first follower is the most important. It's easy for the founder/idea initiator to be excited, but we must focus on identifying and cultivating the other champions who are going to carry the baton when we’re gone. I didn't do a great job of this, but luckily, the right people found us and the organization is in great hands! 

• A personal ask is always more impactful than a mass email  

  • If you work with a volunteer organization, you know how hard it can be to get folks involved and keep them involved. A personal ask that rests on the relational foundation you've built with them is infinitely more impactful than an email call to action. 

• "If you want to go fast go alone, if you want to go far go together." 

  • I quickly learned that starting something is vastly different than growing it. If our goal is to see the pursuit grow beyond initiation, we must be willing to give up the reins and release our expectations.  

• Doing what you love isn't hard  

  • I think we all come to earth with different talents, and part of our journey is uncovering what those are. Once we do, that work isn't really work.  

Monday Mindfulness Minute: Which Wolf Are you Feeding?

“I recall hearing the following conversation after the events of 9/11 in New York City. A grandfather was talking to his grandson, telling him, “I have two wolves barking inside of me. The first wolf is filled with anger, hatred, bitterness, and mostly revenge. The second wolf inside of me is filled with love, kindness, compassion, and mostly forgiveness.” “Which wolf do you think will win?” the young boy inquired. The grandfather responded, “Whichever one I feed.” (Power of Intention p. 137)

Deciding which wolf to feed is analogous to deciding how to look at different situations. We feed the wolves with our attention and energy. Are we going to feed the small perspective that is based on instant judgment, or are we willing to pause and consider other, kinder possibilities?

It turns out that the more we're able to delay our instant judgment and instead consider other "whys" for someone's action, the more considerate of others, and ourselves, we become. Consider the following consider-it scale:

With each “why,” we zoom out just a bit more as kindness and understanding (which ironically turns out to be the undoing of our previous "understanding" - read assumption) are born in that widening of the frame.  

We spend so much time looking for wisdom, yet it might be closer than we think. Just remember, the more whys you ask, the wiser you become.

Feed the considerate wolf this week!

Monday Mindfulness Minute: Watch out for the cancers of the Mind

While the slight gossip, minor pet peeve, or small comparison may seem like benign thoughts with no impact, they metastasize quicker than we realize. Similar to the danger of cancer lurking below the surface, these visceral thoughts are dangerous because they are mostly unseen.

"I can't believe they drive that car. I have a college degree and work hard, and I still can't afford it. Their parents probably pay for it..."

"Robert? Oh yeah, he is completely clueless and has no idea that everybody talks about him behind his back."

"I just don't understand why it always has to rain on the weekends!! There are 5 other days in the week, and it always chooses to rain when we have plans outside."

These are thoughts that can cycle through our minds in a single day/hour/minute. These thoughts of comparison, criticism, and complaining ultimately become seeds that we plant in our psyche. We add water to these seeds when we talk about them with friends, and we add sunlight when we occupy ourselves with these types of thoughts each day. Before we know it, these thoughts grow into weeds that suffocate our perspective, and we start to see life through the lens of comparison, criticism, and complaining.

Instead of seeds or weeds, Jay Shetty (in his book Think Like a Monk) refers to these types of thoughts as the "3 cancers of the mind." So, what's the prognosis for our "disease of the mind"? The outlook is positive! Better yet, we can see positive results without the grueling challenges of having cancer in our physical body.

So what should we do to start weeding out these limiting thoughts? It comes down to three simple steps (which Jay provides in Think Like a Monk).

Spot

Because they are so common to our everyday thought structure, the hardest step is noticing the limiting thoughts when they arise. I recommend writing the 3 cancers of the mind on a few notecards and taping them in places you will see them. This should hopefully raise your awareness to spot the thought when it arises or when you start talking about it.

Stop

Once you see the limiting thought or find yourself in a conversation with a family member or co-worker about it, just stop. Literally. Our attention is like lighter fluid to the flame of these limiting thoughts. If we starve them of our attention, they will eventually subside.

Swap

After you've seen the limiting thought and stopped it, a good next step early in the process is to swap it with a more abundant thought. Replace the thought of comparison with a thought of acceptance, the thought of criticism with a thought of gratitude, and the thought of complaining with a thought of appreciation.

What's so fun about this process is that as we start noticing and swapping out thoughts, our world will actually start to look differently. Remember, "if you want to change your world, change the way you look at it." A kinder, happier, more pleasant world is only a thought away.