Wednesday Whiteboard Quote - Week of April 8

"Why can't anything go the way it's supposed to?" "Oh, it did. It just didn't go the way you wanted it to. You may be a brave b***h, but you can't control the universe." -The Big C

Atlanta is notorious for its bad/reckless/dangerous drivers. Having lived in NYC for three years, I figured, "How much worse could it possibly be," when I moved to the ATL back in 2022. Well, let's just say I was never involved in a hit-and-run in NYC.  

Luckily, only the front bumper of my car was partially ripped off (see picture below) when the box truck trying to exit a convenience store by dashing across a few lanes of traffic misjudged the distance of my front bumper and just tore it up as he went on his merry way.  

Was it personal that the box truck hit me? No 

Did I take it personally? Yes 

Was the box truck supposed to hit me? Also yes  

What do you mean, "was it supposed to hit you"? Of course it wasn't! That person should never have been in a hurry and should never have tried to cut a turn too close and they should have stopped when they realized they had hit you.  

You see, we too quickly equate what we want to happen with what is supposed to happen based on all of the causes that came before. What is supposed to happen is what happened. Reality. It's super simple. When we fight with that, we lose.  

We behave as if our minuscule number of experiences should influence what is happening everywhere outside all at once. And then we take responsibility or beat ourselves up when something "goes wrong." Again, it didn't go wrong; it went the only way it could have gone based on all the countless moments that came before it. How many different moments before had to happen for that box truck's front left bumper and my driver's side bumper to meet? I'll wait. And I'm taking that personally and getting upset over a celestial meeting thousands of years in the making?  

Am I saying that we have to be elated and jubilant to pull over, call the cops, get in touch with insurance, go back to the store to try and get surveillance camera footage of the hit and run, deal with the autobody shop for repairs, on and on? No. But we definitely don't need to take it personally or waste any more energy on the "it shouldn't have happened," or "life is just so unfair," or "this always only happens to me."  

When we waste our energy on these and all the other "bad" (the times it didn't go the way we wanted) experiences we have stored, we sacrifice the energy meant for those we love. 

Friday Whiteboard Quote - Week of April 3

"The reason why we exist, beyond the rivets, beyond money, beyond color, beyond creed, beyond failure, beyond exams passed, beyond whether you have kids or don't have kids, whether you get married, beyond all aspirations, beyond all of that which leaves us when we're in the ground, is the notion that you are loved unconditionally, permanently, eternally, forever, as you are." Charlie Mackesy

I have never really understood why it's called Good Friday. Is it supposed to be good that this is the day that Jesus was nailed to the cross and died in excruciating (literally Latin for "torture on a cross") pain? Surely not, right? My only guess is that it's good because we know the story's ending.  

If you don't believe the story, that's fine too – I'm not much into religion (where it's easy for the want of power to overshadow and demolish the essence of the teachings) myself. What I do enjoy believing is that someone could have walked this earth, if you are certain he did that's fine too, with unconditional love in the face of unspeakable prejudice (pre-judgement) and vitriol. Someone who is believed to have uttered, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do" with his fading breath.  

Love.  

I guess that's why today is an especially good Friday. It provides the opportunity for us to stop and remember that we are creatures who are loved and are capable of loving. That's why I love this snippet from one of my favorite authors, Charlie Mackesy (check out his book "The Boy, The Mole, The Fox, and The Horse" for a thought-provoking tale of life):  

https://video.wixstatic.com/video/446a6c_85f1eb15da354c0591083547a819b2dc/1080p/mp4/file.mp4

Wednesday Whiteboard Quote: Week of April 1

"Before fixing what you're looking at, Check what you're looking through." -The Book of Awakening

When I moved to Atlanta in 2022, I didn't have a job lined up and really no idea of what I wanted to do. I had a little money saved and a partner who was covering most of the big expenses, but I wasn't in a position to sit back and relax for 6 months to a year. I needed a J-O-B.  

As with most uncertain times, we rely on our friends and family to keep us grounded and steady. I remember one friend who would regularly call me during this time to check in and see how I was. Inevitably, partway through the conversation, she would ask, "So how is the job search going? Have you found anything yet?" 

After a few times, this question started to get under my skin. You see, I have identified as someone who wants to appear as if I have it all together, and I HATE the feeling of someone feeling sorry for me. When I looked at her question through the lens of scarcity, fear, and smallness, it felt like she was questioning my adaptability and my work ethic. It felt like death

Luckily, I never acted on these initial mental reactions, which suggested I needed to defend myself, scold her for asking, and tell her I was a grown adult and to stop asking.

When I switched the perspective to see that she was only asking because she cared about me and wanted to make sure I was ok, the situation completely changed. The important thing here is that the situation changed WITHOUT ANYTHING ACTUALLY CHANGING OUTSIDE.  

How many aspects of our day-to-day lives could we apply this to? How many things outside are we always trying to fix, or do we say need to be just a little different? If we slow down, we'll see that what needs to change is our perspective. This should be a breath of fresh air because we have 100% control over our perspective. This is where our true freedom lies.  

As Rumi said, "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world, today I'm wise so I'm changing myself."