Monday Mindfulness Minute: Is life driving you crazy? Try Traffic meditation

Our daily opportunity/challenge on the inner path is to see that we are not our racing thoughts. Developing this space has been called many things such as mindfulness, witness consciousness, developing the witness, etc. While different in name, they all return to the same lesson; can we remember over and over that we are not the mind?

Developing this perspective is crucial because until we realize we are not the mind, our thoughts will completely determine the quality of our lives. Meditation is one such technique we can employ to develop space between our thoughts and how we respond to hopefully have more positive responses than negative reactions.

If you are new to meditation, don't think of it as some advanced skill reserved for only Buddhists or Zen masters. Meditation is simply us sitting down and watching our thoughts without getting involved. While meditation can be a powerful tool, one potential pitfall is that we only do it "on the cushion" (i.e. in a 10-minute window in a quiet room away from the noise of the world) and thus never integrate the practice into our daily lives.

That's where traffic meditation comes in.

How much time do we spend driving? A ton, right? And if you're anything like me, driving presents me with plenty of opportunities to be automatically upset. Half the time I feel like I need Formula 1 driving experience to even survive on the precarious Atlanta highways. Driving can either be a drain that sets us on the worst footing to start our day or the perfect place to see if our practice of mindfulness stands up to true tests.

Here are some ways to practice traffic meditation and a few examples of how to reframe negative thoughts this week:

• Don't turn on any music/podcasts during your drive and see what thoughts come up (this will be rough at first). You will quickly be reminded that you have the music on to try to drown out those thoughts. Just start with a 5-minute segment.

• As the cars pass by you, instead of thinking, "I would for sure get a ticket if I was going that fast," just let this remind you how thoughts whiz past us and don't get involved.

• When a car gets a little too close, aka tailgates you, be thankful for how much comfort and support they are providing. We want people to be close to us, right? Why is it different with cars? Be thankful!

• In bumper-to-bumper traffic and you're late for work, try to notice how all the brake lights look like faces smiling back at you. It works best if you imagine that Buddha/Jesus/whoever you look up to is smiling back at you and providing you a moment to come back home (home is a still place inside each of us).

We must practice with traffic and other "ordinary" daily situations because let's be honest, if we can't handle the traffic, we'll never be able to handle the bigger things that come up. Each time we watch the thoughts without getting involved we do an inner rep that will give us the strength later to pause and respond in more vital moments.

Monday Mindfulness Minute: Stop chasing the third thing

For this I bless you most: You give much and know not that you give at all. Verily the kindness that gazes upon itself in a mirror turns to stone, And a good deed that calls itself by tender names becomes the parent to a curse. -The Prophet p. 89

The more I watch, the clearer it is that I rarely give or do anything without expecting something in return.

• I hold the door for someone and I'm slighted if they don't say thank you.

• I text someone because I'm thinking of them and get frustrated or feel insignificant if they don't text back.

• I give someone a birthday gift and am looking for a return gift when my big day rolls around (it's coming up in January hint hint...).

• I share a writing on social media and am looking for how many likes/comments/shares it receives and I am disappointed if there is little reaction.

The thank you in response, the text back we desperately need, the re-paid gift, and the likes on social media are all the "third thing." For some reason, the initial giving isn't enough until we receive something back.

As the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius reflected over 1,800 years ago (I originally learned about this idea from a Daily Stoic Email), "When you've done well and another has benefited by it, why like a fool do you look for a third thing on top -- credit for the good deed or a favor in return?"

To avoid this foolishness that has stuck with us for centuries, we must constantly interrogate our motive: "Was I being authentically giving or was I looking to take something from them?" It's not even a physical something we want in return. The quick hit of energy that accompanies being recognized or told that we doing a good job is the gold we live for.

Once we stop chasing the reactions, we will feel the abundant energy that flows when we give unconditionally. This energy has been there the whole time but we've been wasting it as we search for recognition. Let's continue to work, "To give and to give and to give, and to know that is my riches." (How Can I Help p. 214)

We help others because we can, or because it makes us feel good, not because we're counting on some future payback. There is a word for this: love. -Georgraphy of Bliss p. 143

Monday Mindfulness Minute: I made me feel this way

"If you think you are enlightened, go spend a week with your family." - Ram Dass

It's probably a relief to think we are getting a reprieve from working out over the holiday season, especially with the physical gyms usually being closed for Thanksgiving and Christmas. To be so lucky...

As it turns out, sitting around the dinner table with "extended" family can feel like doing high-intensity interval training (HITT) after eating too much stuffing and too many slices of pie. Combine the normal drama and catching up with the recent election results and we have the perfect recipe for what could be an intense psychological workout.

Instead of getting nervous about the upcoming mental fitness test proctored by our family, we can use the holidays as a barometer to see where we still have hangups. This should be an exciting time because we can see if our growth over the past year can stand up in battle.

The test this holiday season, and every day, comes down to whether we can practice radical acceptance where we refuse to allow our mind to convince us we feel a certain way because of what someone else says, does, or implies. This isn't to say that we practice denial this season and stuff all of our feelings down, but we refuse to live as a victim who pins the responsibility for how we feel on others.

Instead of acting like a victim where others are the sole determinant of how we feel, we can practice reframing situations like this:

They said "x" and that made me angry. >>> I am making myself angry over what they said. [we need to literally think this in our head over and over when we feel/see the emotion come up]

They acted that way and now I'm pissed off. >>> I am making myself pissed off because of what they did.

Additional questions we can ask ourselves:

• Why did what they say make me angry/pissed?

• Why am I taking it so seriously and personally?

• They said/did that yesterday and I still feel angry/pissed today. Why could that be?

• What could my reaction to what they said/did teach me about myself?

As we watch more and more, it will become clear that the world is our mirror and that the folks we get upset with for "making us" angry/upset/sad/disappointed are showing us exactly where the anger/upset/sadness/disappointment is still alive in us. Let us be thankful for the family members who push our buttons this holiday season because they are showing us our soft spots that can be transformed by loving awareness.

Listen to what you criticize most severely And you will hear what you most fear you are. -There's a Hole in My Sidewalk